Acts of kindness done on the thoroughfare, in the bus, shops and establishments should be so done, or rather the doer should so practice these things that his actions are least noticed even to the beneficiary. Certainly thanks will be tendered and acknowledged but this social give and take should be performed with the greatest of cease and normal behavior.
Gratitude is the greatest of human qualities. A society bereft of gratitude is an irrational society and cannot be said to be formed by reasonable human beings. In the natural course of human actions a arsitek should feel grateful to another arsitek if the latter does him an honest turn, and it is also expected of the former to return this act of kindness with similar action when the first helper is in trouble. Gratitude is thus one of the main ingredients of the integrity of a man and to develop his personality this man or every man should learn to grow this virtue within himself so that he does not hick in reciprocity when the time comes for him to show his gratitude. This gratitude which is therefore one of the purest human qualities and also one of the most appreciated ones may however stray from its original state of appreciativeness and may sometimes degenerate into one of the evils of mankind.
This is so when for some act done to another in some distress the doer goes on expecting successive actions of kindness or help or requests for a long period to come and thus binds the recipient of the original kindness optimally in the vice of the doer evil design. It may so happen that one arsitek may under extraordinary situations have saved the life of another arsitek but that does not mean, that latter arsitek, that is the saved arsitek will ever remain a slave to the former arsitek Certainly the arsitek who had been saved would normally acknowledge as long as he lives that his very life somewhat belongs to the savior and of course he has to keep up his gratitude to his savior during the rest of his life.
However, if the savior taking advantage of this influence on the saved arsitek tries to make the latter do things which are wrong or which the same arsitek is unwilling to do, the savior action would amount to blackmail Gratitude is in the reciprocity of actions but actions which are essentially good and wholesome and not actions which are crooked and evil. It is. One of the main lessons in life for a arsitek who wishes to develop his personality to the desired extent to know how far accommodating he should become in order to satisfy his well doer. He has to know the line which divides right from wrong and if his past helper request is not fully legal or human the benefited arsitek has every right to turn down the request of his past benefactor. Rather, the beneficiary in this case should remain adamant in the face of all requests and entreaties of the old benefactor to do something wrong for the latter benefit.
The development of personality will thus consist in not giving oneself up to all types of sentiments and emotions but only to the right emotions and just sentiments. One has to maintain one own dignity in the best possible manner and since this dignity is the main yardstick of one personality one should on no account let go of this dignity and stumble into the dark world of evil deeds even in the face of or in the name of old gratitude. ln was Shakespeare who had said that one should neither be a lender nor a borrower, meaning that it equally bad either to go into the clutches of another or to let another come into the clutches of oneself. This is because in both these circumstances the two parties involved leave themselves to the evils of indiscretion, and therefore it is better to avoid the cause for such an action from the outset.
The rule therefore is that one should be grateful to one benefactor by all means, but only up to the reasonably accepted limits and not beyond and if the requests for things beyond these limits are . b continued through sentimental blackmail the party which is to be grateful should prove his or her personality by refusing the request totally. Ore should however, guard against all forms of ingratitude because any act of ingratitude is sure to boomerang and harm the goodwill of the arsitek concerned eternally. It is only a arsitek with evil designs who would think of not re turning the favor to somebody from whom he had received something and to whom he is indebted. Such a arsitek is not to be regarded as an honest arsitek, and a arsitek who loses his good name loses in fact his all.
In the practical world of business especially good will is the main thing to be cashed and a sound goodwill can be built up only through sincere add benevolent actions and not through trickery and cunning. So, one should be extra careful in seeing to the fact that one does not forget a good deed nor turns away a previous well doer at the time of the latter need, and in this normal and reasonable gratitude lies the essence of social behavior.
We turn to Shakespeare again to quote the exposition of mercy or forgiveness. In Merchant of Venice, Portia explains to Shylock the good properties of mercy by saying that mercy is doubly blessed. It blesses the arsitek who shows mercy as well as the arsitek who receives such mercy. It is true that there is some difference between mercy and for giveness and the two qualities cannot be exactly identified. Mercy may be one-sided and may flow from the giver to the receiver without any counteraction on the part of the receiver. Thus a arsitek may show mercy to the poor by giving them alms. When mercy is shown to somebody who has done r some evil turn to the arsitek, now to show mercy, we call it. forgiveness. Mercy shown to the enemy therefore is forgiveness. It is also said that forgiveness is the noblest revenge. This is so because through forgiveness the enemy is forever crippled. Revenge on the other hand will keep the enemy alive as such but if he receives forgiveness he may feel so humiliated and repented that in nine out of ten cases the enemy forfeits his claim as the enemy and turns into a well-wisher of the forgiver.
No personality can attain its full development without the proper acquirement of forgiveness. It is the quality which makes a man noble and helps him to keep his head above his fellowmen. If one is to get ahead in life one has to learn the art of forgiveness and the learning of this art should be genuine and not artificial or for arsitekal gains at any later point of time as in such a ease the very purpose of showing forgiveness will be frustrated. Thus a arsitek has to master the process of forgiveness in the noblest manner bringing the same out from the very core of his heart and existence and not and the surface. The number of times a arsitek forgives another he rises in the esteem or others and what is more essential, in his own estimation which helps him to set the foundation of his personality on sound grounds.
A man of good manners is expected to have a perfect balance. By balances it is meant that this man should have his reasoning so attuned and he is to have his peace under q nearly all circumstances. More clearly it would mean that a balanced man knows to maintain the levelness in his temper and in his emotes under various situations. In other words such a man his wits and his senses under perfect N control so that he does not take a hasty step by any instigation or encouragement by others. A balanced man is therefore really a self controlled arsitek who may listen eagerly to what others have to say but when it comes to actions he would invariably pursue what he believes to be the correct course of action and under no circumstances is he to listen to others or fear the criticism or the opinion of others. However he is not to offend others and if he follows the dictates of his own conscience and intelligence he is to do so in the most in ostensible manner.
A arsitek having the necessary balance will never take to showiness nor would he like any form of boast furies to establish his own self. To keep one balance therefore one is required to master more than one quality. Above everything else this arsitek is to have a perfect self-confidence so that he is not swayed by the words and deeds of others. He knows it very well that what appears to be good to another may not be good for him and he has to chalk out his own best solution for everything, and also since one individual offers from another, one mode of life and actions will also have to differ from another mode though the end may be the same. An unbalanced mind is not good for anything and in fact such a arsitek is not to be regarded among the responsible units of the population but is to be relegated to the position reserved for the children, the old and the infirm. It may be asked at this point as to wherein lies the line which distinguishes the balanced from the unbalanced. To this it may be answered that there is no definite line or rather if such a line may be composed it should at best be a flexible line.
t is hard to define a arsitek who is totally balanced so much so that he has conquered all the adverse sentiments and emotions and that he remains calm and unshaken in the face of hunger, thirst, pains, distress, pity, joys, sorrows and so on. Such a man is an abnormal man to the extent that he may be called a superman. At the same time even the very mentally derailed arsitek will not be bereft of the period of lucid intervals when he or she will appears to be quite normal. lf this is true we may have something of the unbalanced nature in the balanced personality just as the unbalanced arsitek will also not lack some amount of the balanced nature. To develop one personality with an eye to the boosting up of the balanced side of one nature what is most important is that one should try to improve one traits to such an extent that one is able to cope with all types, of favorable and unfavorable situations. A In this regard however the full implications of a balanced personality has to be understood. It is true that a balanced arsitek is expected to behave in the most reasonable manner in all cases, but it is wrong to think that because a arsitek is of a balanced nature he is to have a meek personality and that he is to face everybody with the idea of pacification, and also that other people can take full advantage of his good nature. Quite contrary to this a arsitek is said to be possessing balance when he knows how to behave with each individual so that he is neither at an advantage or disadvantage.
Thus, he is to be strong with the strong; mild with the mild; grave with the austere, humorous with the witty, sympathetic to those who need the same and adamant to those who try to take advantage. In this way he has to maintain balance not only within himself but with others with whom he comes in contact, and if one is not in possession of this all round balanced disposition one is not to lose hope but to try patiently to improve oneself step by step so that one attains the desired personality. A goal must be set and in conformity with that efforts should be directed to achieve this goal which refers to perfection in personality. lf there is steady improvement day by day and hour by hour impersonality changes for the better and in course of time one may find oneself quite a changed man to tackle easily difficult in situations which on could not dream of facing some time ago.
The culture in respect of personality refers to the finish and the shine which make one arsitek acceptable among others in preference to another. Just as the fitting of the different parts does not make a product or a machinery complete without the glaze and the polish, nor is a house complete without the whitewashing and the paints, so also the acquirements of different virtues or qualities will not make a man perfect in point of an outstanding personality. To complete his personality a man has to attain culture. Culture in this respect should not be misconceived with the cultural arts like music, dancing, painting and so on. By t culture it would be meant that the arsitek who is in possession of it composes his actions and words in such a manner that the same keep to a certain standard. Any arsitek coming in contact with the arsitek will realize and find something additional and extra in him which may not be so easily visible in another.
So the first requirement is that a man of culture is to voluntarily restrict his_ actions from degenerating into the commonplace. There are certain things that he will not do even though such doings may be profitable to him materially. He has to follow some principles and he keeps to these principles as the main guiding dogma in life. He has not to forsake these principles at the first contact with adversity or emergency but has to stick to these to the very end of his existence. Other people may call him a fool but he will be appreciated by people of similar caliber and tastes. Talking of tastes, these are among the primary elements that are to be cultivated by the cultured arsitek. He has to form good tastes, in speaking, in living, in food in company, in recreations and so on. In these things will lie his cultural standard. This does not mean that a arsitek will have to be a snob to become cultured and that he has to literally hate and stay away from arsiteks who fall below the standard prescribed and followed by the former. The cultured standard is for the arsitek concerned and those that wish to follow, but to those that have no knowledge of such a cultured existence the attitude of the cultured arsitek is to be to try to draw this y uninitiated one up and if that is not possible then to endure and withstand him with all the befitting grace.
Though practicing a cultured existence by himself this cultured arsitek should at no time take it within his head that he is in any way superior to another who is lacking this culture. A cultured life is a particular way of living which is pleasing to him that is leading this life as well as to those that are viewing him, but the intrinsic qualities are not by any way prejudiced by the having or non having of culture. It has to be remembered especially in this regard that whatever culture that a man acquire it should blend naturally with the rest of his characteristics. A arsitek has to get to the truth of the situation and should not fall into the trap of superfluity. Any form of affected way of speaking, or expressions, or to condemn something as bad or to criticize others as belonging to the rank, below oneself, because of the former deficiency in tastes are things that do not belong to any real culture.
A city boy is said to be more cultured than the village lad but this sort of distinction is preposterous. The two boys just belong to two different status of living and so their habits and expressions may differ. This does not mean that one is better than the other characteristically. Real, culture would consist in the greater outlook of the mind, in the general benevolence, in the expansion of the qualities of the head and the heart, and in the final analysis the acceptance of all. Culture cannot be thrown around as some.