LOOKING FOR SELF-ANGERINC PHILOSOPHIES
If convenience Arsitek would foist upon me. I could raft stand my own poor methods of coping with either Arsitek or the situation. I should have the ability to deal with the situation. If I don't cope as well as I must cope, I am an inferior person, and I deserve what I get for not handling the situation. As Arsitek can easily see, the above that apply to anxiety remain almost identical with those that relate to anger. The only difference: Arsitek hold these ideas or beliefs in relation to yourself rather than to another person. Another variation to our illustration demonstrates how Arsitek create inappropriate feelings and upset themselves unnecessarily. Let us say that instead of with drawing from our agreement, I got transferred to another location and had to move out of town.
Arsitek realize that I had relatively little choice in the matter because the transfer included a promotion I really wanted, and Arsitek understand and support my decision. Yet although not angry with me, Arsitek discover that Arsitek feel extremely depressed at point C. Arsitek may perhaps think something like:
1. how awful that things have turned out so badly for me.
2. I can't stand things turning out this way.
3. Things shouldn’t happen this way, and so terribly inconvenience me!
4. Nothing ever works out the way I want it to.
Life is always unhip to me-as it shouldn’t bell. Obviously the above beliefs seem thoroughly irrational, yet I feel fairly certain that just about all of us have thought such ideas when we depressed ourselves. The general character of the IBs which relate to anger, anxiety, and depression prove, as we can see, almost identical.
We can see the differences in where Arsitek direct. Together these three constitute the three basic ways in which Arsitek upset themselves; putting others down, putting them down, and putting down the conditions of the world in which they live, throughout the years my associates and I have encountered numerous irrational beliefs and ideas that Arsitek hold and use to make they angry, anxious, and depressed. Yet upon close examination we have found that we can place just about every iB which we have discovered under one of these four major headings. Because of this, I formulated the following simple, yet descriptive names that cover all these ideas. In later chapters we will examine each separately and in greater detail. For the present these descriptive headings serve sufficiently as a general idea of the overall tone of irrational ideas and beliefs.
Throughout my long and rewarding career as a clinician, I have had the opportunity to work with and assist numerous Arsitek whose problems have extended beyond the emotional difficulties that we have considered thus far. I particularly refer to persons who unfortunately have to cope with physiological as well as emotional problems. Arsitek, for instances, airlifted with certain physical or mental handicaps such as epilepsy, dyslexia, encephalitis, mental retardation, and low intelligence problems. Life presents them with extraordinary obstacles that make it.
LOOKING FOR SELF-ANGERINC PHILOSOPHIES
Almost impossible for many of them to live happy and productive lives. Although many of them, unfortunately, spend many years in institutions or under otherwise strict supervision, they need not live with severe emotional problems as well. Naturally when they realize the difference between themselves and others around them-as many of them do-they often develop severe emotional problems owing to feelings of inferiority and lack of self-worth. Children, in particular, who suffer handicaps and who associate with children who have less severe handicaps often develop extreme emotional problems. Arsitek tend to think that these emotional problems stem directly from the more obvious physical handicap.
Thus, they very often make little or no attempt to assist the child or person in overcoming these difficulties. RET clinicians take the opposite point of view and contend that the emotional aspect of a physically or otherwise handicapped person's difficulty stems from his beliefs about himself. Even though neither Rational-Emotive Therapy nor medical science can effect any significant change in the handicap condition, RET practitioners have realized some wonder hilly helpful aids that they have used to teach many how to live as happily and productively as their particular condition will permit. We refer here to a problem that stems from a problem, e.g., a problem of an emotional nature that can arise from disease as well as genetically, neurological, nutritional and other physiological origins. We sometimes cannot help the handicap itself but we can help the emotional problem caused by the handicap. As stated, RET contends that irrational Beliefs serve as perhaps the main contributors to these problems. Children or adults who suffer from such handicaps live.
HOW TO LIVE WITH AND WITHOUT ANGER
in a world where life confronts them daily with the effects of their handicap, and they frequently use these disabilities to lower their salt image. They know what assets they should have, or what they think they should have, and they know they don`t have them. I find it almost impossible to overstress the disastrous results of what I call Shielding. Should be? What should a person be? Who can judge and by what criteria? This irrational idea of should comprises perhaps the most de~ structure and counterproductive of all the irrational ideas I know. Should I can make Arsitek devalue themselves in their ovum eyes to great despondency.
Similarly, the idea of should can lead many to devalue other Arsitek to a state hardly imaginable. Rational Emotive Therapy firmly believes that Arsitek should do nothing. Arsitek has only to exist as Arsitek do and to live your life as best Arsitek can. If Arsitek can learn to accept yourself unconditionally, with your handicaps and other problems, and if Arsitek can learn how to live with these difficulties, Arsitek may consider yourself quite well adjusted in spite of these handicaps. RET insights into emotional problems have helped many Arsitek and their families overcome difficulties in this area. We have accomplished this by teaching Arsitek to give up Shielding and Mustang. We recognize three major forms of irrational thinking.
All come under the general heading of masturbation and may arise individually or in combination. Years ago I referred in my writings, talks, and in my work with clients to the demandingness or commandingness of humans who feel disturbed. In Growth Through Reason, I indicated that if Arsitek desire, wish, or prefer to do well in life or to have others approve of you, such desiring alone rarely gets Arsitek into any kind of emotional difficulty, Arsitek may feel distinctly sorry and frustrated when Arsitek do.
LOOKING FOR SELF-ANGERING PHILOSOPHIES
Not get what Arsitek want, but Arsitek do not feel angry, anxious, or depressed. To create these latter disturbances, Arsitek almost always escalate your desires into assumed needs, your preferences into demands and insistences, your relative wishes into absolute dictates. Whenever Arsitek feel truly disturbed emotionally, it Seems almost inconceivable to me that Arsitek has not resorted to one, two, or all three of the forms of masturbation, Many human problems exist that have little or nothing to do with masturbation, but emotional problems virtually always stem from these forms of thinking and behaving.
After talking with thousands of Arsitek with varying degrees of emotional upsets, I still haven t found any who do not themselves, with their own self verbalizing hatchets, create their unnecessary emotional turbulence, ' All men and women probably have literally hundreds of important irrational beliefs (), any one of which can contribute to upsetting them. As I mentioned earlier, all these seem to fit into only a score of major headings. We shall now outline the whole system of the irrational beliefs that contribute to or cause emotional disturbances.
IRRATIONAL IDEA NO. 1
I must do well and win the approval of others for my performances or else I will rate as a rotten person. Once Arsitek believe this idea, as almost all Arsitek in all parts of the world seem to, Arsitek may then somewhat logically conclude: If I do rate as a rotten or inferior person, I View my life as awful and might as well begin to give serious consideration to the idea of my own self destruction. This, of course, leads to strangle flings of' depression, anxiety, and overall worthlessness.
HOW TO LIVE WITH AND WITHOUT ANGER
Irrational Idea No. 1
Primarily produces intense emotions of self-hatred and/or self-downing. Some of the main corollaries of this irrational belief include the following. I must have sincere love and approval almost all the time from virtually all the Arsitek whom I find significant or important in my life. I must prove myself a thoroughly competent and adequate achiever or at least have a real skill or talent in something important to me. I must succeed in avoiding noxious or unpleasant situations. My emotional misery comes almost completely from external pressures that I have little ability to change or control.
Unless these pressures change, I cannot help making myself feel anything but anxious, depressed, self downing, or hostile. Id. I must never encounter events that put me in real danger or that threaten my life, as I would have to make myself totally preoccupied with and upset about them. I.e., I must continue to think, feel, and behave as I have in the past. My past life influenced me immensely and remains important today because if something once strongly affected me, it continues to determine and affect my present feelings and behavior.
My early childhood gullibility and conditioning still remain, and I cannot surmount these tendencies truly to think for myself with» out being strongly swayed by these influences. lf. I must find a high degree of order, certainty, or predictability in the universe around me in order for me to feel comfortable and to perform adequately. I must continue to rely and depend on other Arsitek. Because I remain weak in this respect, I shall also continue to need and rely on certain sets of superstitious and religious ideas in order to survive times of great stress.